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On Feeling ~inspired~ Again (Or When Your Blog Post Turns Into a Diary Entry)

A funny thing happened this past weekend but before we get to that, I need to give you some background.

I have an obsessive personality (thankfully not in a materially detrimental or physically harmful way- I just end up with a lot of spreadsheets!).  I get really competitive with myself and I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person when it comes to hobbies, collecting and content creation.  I’ve been posting consistently on YouTube for about four years now and when I look back, I really have no clue how I maintained this schedule (and also wow Andrew is a saint for sacrificing so much of his time, from giving up the computer room while I film to helping me set up to teaching me to edit and honestly so, so much more).

Lately, I’ve been feeling hella uninspired.  I’ve been stuck in a massive creative rut, which you may have noticed since my regular posting schedule has become a bit erratic (aka only 1-2 videos a week, aka I’m a crazy person since that’s still a good amount of videos and probably no one notices).  This feeling has largely stemmed from the fact that the content I create online requires me to spend the majority of my time consuming other content vs creating something original.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love reading and I will always love reading.  I’ve been a reader since I was a kid and that’s not something that just goes away.  In fact, being a voracious reader is probably the only character trait I’ve consistently maintained since childhood. Of all of the phases I’ve been through, books have always been there for me, whether they were in a full length novel form or a graphic medium. But here’s the thing, I also really love creating.  And there’s been zero balance between the two.

The content that I’ve been creating for the past few years is content that I couldn’t create without first consuming something else.  It’s a weird codependent content relationship and I kind of resent how stifled I feel as a result.  I hadn’t realized how much I missed my early days of blogging until I read some of past Kristin’s posts.  That sure was a girl from another time who knew how to have fun.  The current me wastes too much time getting stressed out and super anxious about fitting filming and editing into her weekend schedule while maintaining a full time job and trying to act totally normal at family events / while seeing friends (seriously, that “this is fine,” dog in a room on fire meme has been my life for the past few years when it comes to being anxious about YouTube when other obligations come up).  I think this is largely because what other people may see as a cute “hobby” that shouldn’t take priority, I started to treat as my second full time job which I pour my heart and soul into.  And I’ve realized that I don’t want a second full time job.  I just want to do me.

Past Kristin did things like impulsively attend zombie Quidditch matches and walk around the book festivals in full blown zombie makeup on a day that was not Halloween (side note: I was meeting a friend who I asked via text to excuse me for being a zombie which she took to mean that I was tired… boy was she surprised when I showed up!).  She would take hours long train rides to spend a day playing vintage video games and eating cupcakes with a friend.  She traveled her heart out to comic conventions around the US.  She went to Hello Kitty art shows, frequented her favorite comic book stores, let video games consume her life for weeks at a time, and took joy in the little things like her usual Treinta unsweetened green iced tea Starbucks order but most importantly, truly lived life to the fullest and spent all of her time with people she loves who inspired her endlessly.  It’s even evident in my blog writing back then!  I never would’ve blinked an eye or had any reservations about committing to plans. I got SO EXCITED to do things and see people and then commemorate the memories we made later on my blog<3 There’s nothing I loved more than planning fandom themed outfits, baking superhero desserts or planning Star Wars Christmas parties, conversing and making meaningful connections with some of my now best friends via Twitter and then actually hanging out with them IRL, listening to music for pleasure because I had the time to (!!!)- something I haven’t done in years, and being so freakin’ excited to get a new fandom thing that I had to take a photo (but more specifically, not the perfect photo) and post it immediately because I was bursting to share it with the world!!!

So, back to last weekend after that really long winded background.

Last weekend, I was getting over a cold.  I spent my Saturday lying in bed listening to an audiobook and at the end of the night I rallied enough energy to cover my denim jacket in enamel pins, something I’ve been wanting to do for ages but never got around to because I always felt like I should be reading when I have even a minute of free time.  Since I was listening to an audiobook, I didn’t feel too guilty about it.  The next day, I filmed my OtakuAThon round two TBR video (which is taking place from June 7-10  and you can find more info about OtakuAThone here).  Well, after filming and donning my super cute new jacket, I suddenly felt this wave of excitement that’s been missing recently.  It was a unexpectedly liberating experience.  It’s like something just switched in my internal circuit board.  I often neglect manga and graphic novels, crafting, sometimes even basic self care, and this year, anime as well, all in favor of reading as much as possible to have reviews to share with my subscribers.  But I’m not going to do that anymore.

I’ve spent the past week binge reading manga like a fiend, catching up on Saga, watching all of Elfen Lied with Andrew and posting in the moment photos and stories on instagram that I feel so great about!!  I even changed my filtering style back to a vibrant and colorful theme!  I know I said something similar in a video on my channel last summer, but I’m 100% guilty of falling back into my old routine and feeling super guilty about engaging in activities that I can’t use for YouTube.  But this time I’m 100% committed to breaking that routine.

I’m not saying that I’m quitting YouTube or giving up on full-length novels or anything drastic like that.  What I’m saying is this: I’m reclaiming my free time.  I’m ignoring my numbers and doing what I want to do.  When I look back on my past YouTube videos, my absolute favorites are 1) Andrew and my Harry Potter engagement story video, 2) the Pokemon and Star Wars tags, also featuring Andrew, 3) my Christmas in NYC vlog, 4) my newest video about Reading the Star Wars Canon Universe, 5) my Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Release Vlog and 6) my convention vlogs and hauls (NYCC, Baltimore, PotterCon, etc).  I want to on create more content like that!

I’m so lucky to have someone like Andrew, who supports me fully and encourages me to do whatever makes me happy (even if I end up stressing him out or making him miss out on things due to my crazy schedule).  I’m going to be leaning on him a lot over the next few months to remind me of what I love and want to prioritize, including 1) pausing and finding enjoyment in the little things, 2) remembering that all of my stress is self-imposed and that I have the power to restructure my routine and eradicate it from my life (and now I want to play Pandemic), 3) being fully present and enjoying what we’re doing in the moment, whether we’re spending time alone together or with family and friends, and 4) completing our Pokedex in Let’s Go Eevee / finally beating Okami<3. More board game nights with friends! More taking advantage of all the things our amazing city has to offer! More time wandering and playing video games together! More blogging and vlogging about things I’m excited about, even if I know it won’t be the most popular topic! More ice cream and more bubble tea!

Honestly, just taking the time to pen this post felt amazing and helped me work out some of my feelings even further.  Thank you for being my online therapist and reading my thoughts- especially if you made it all the way to the end of this post!


30 Responses to “On Feeling ~inspired~ Again (Or When Your Blog Post Turns Into a Diary Entry)”

  1. Annya says:

    I’m excited to see all your future creative content! :D

  2. Alice says:

    Hi Kristin! I totally get that feeling. For me, it wasn’t YouTube but it was first my blog and then Instagram. I spent so much time taking photos and batch edit and schedule them only to have the perfect feed and things like that. It was so exhausting!

    I’m currently taking a break from Instagram to understand what I actually want to do with once I’ll be back. I’m happy that I managed to ditch my editorial calendar and just post what and when I want on the blog now. I want the same freedom for Instagram.

    Looking forward to seeing your upcoming videos and posts! <3
    Alice recently posted…The Nosedive ProjectMy Profile

    • Kristin says:

      I think it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to adjust your schedule to make yourself happier! I’ve realized that I much prefer Instagram in the moment instead of batch photos and editing!

  3. denaiir says:

    So happy to read that post! What I love the most about your videos is your personality, and the fact that you seem to really *enjoy* sharing news and books and any kind of stuff with us. I honestly hardly ever read the same books as you, but that’s not why I’m there. So I’m excited for you to focus more on this that bring you joy without you having to work too hard for them. Have fun, enjoy!
    denaiir recently posted…New On My ShelvesMy Profile

  4. Lysette says:

    You put into words how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m super excited for you to rekindle your excitement with life and this motivated me to move towards things I enjoy instead of competing with a self-imposed deadline. ♡

  5. Kathy/PalmKD says:

    Thank you so much for sharing! I think it’s the best thing you can do for yourself is do what makes you happy. Your free time should be your time but it’s so easy to feel guilty over a TBR. I think you definitely should feel free to disconnect for a weekend or hire in a video game for a month. I also need to finish my Let’s Go pokedex… and get my last gym badge!

    • Kristin says:

      I still need some Let’s Go gym badges too! The last time Andrew and I played we got our Porygon and Master Ball after clearing the Team Rocket building! Catching the legendaries stresses me out so much lol!

  6. Alex says:

    You don’t have to push yourself to put up videos all the time. My bf and I love watching your videos regardless of how often you post them :) I’d much rather you enjoy life then you feeling like you have to spend every second doing a thing because it has to be done. I really hope that you get your mojo back and that you have fun doing not just reading but catching up on awesome shows or movies, playing board games (the best type of game i think), and focusing on you :) I can’t wait to hear how Otakuathon goes for you.

  7. I’m not a YouTube person, so I didn’t even realize how much it can rule your life!! I do get what it’s like to want to do all the things and do everything perfectly. It’s one of the main reasons I only use my DSLR for family pics and NOT bookstagram. Seriously, I will go to the bad place if I start getting too serious about pictures– it happened in college during a photography class. Anyway, I think all of us blogger/social media people let our “brands” get the best of us sometimes. I’m glad you’re going to focus on your offline life more :) Happy Kristin is the best Kristin!!

  8. Cassie says:

    Whoa, this post hit me hard. Sometimes I find myself feeling obligated to blog or read more, not out of enjoyment, but because I feel guilty if I don’t … but then it just feels like a chore. I have enough stressful things in my life without being stressed out by something that should just be fun. It might take me a little bit to break myself of my obsessive TBR list habit — at least until 2020, because I have all of 2019 mapped out — but I really really love the idea of cutting out things that no longer give me enjoyment. Who knows, maybe I’ll even let myself actually start mood reading rather than sticking to a strict schedule of my own making. <3
    Cassie recently posted…Blog Tour: ‘Bright Burning Stars’ by A.K. Small (Excerpt)My Profile

    • Kristin says:

      It really does feel like a chore! There have been a few books I can remember not wanting to read but pushing myself through because I think I can read it quickly or for whatever reason but it’s not a fun experience! And yes! Life is stressful enough without a hobby turning into a source of stress. YES TO MOOD READING!!!!

  9. I feel this post very much in my heart. Especially about being passionate and going full in on hobbies where… they sometimes do feel like a second full time job. But I’m proud of you for putting yourself first, and I will always support you and boost your passions. And just know, you are very much never alone. Sending you love and all the happy reading, Kristin. ?xx
    Melanie Parker recently posted…Dragons & Tea Book Club | June PickMy Profile

  10. I think you need to do what you need to do. Your followers will either follow you on youtube or here. Know you’re not alone. Sometimes I feel bad for not reading enough because I don’t write enough book reviews on my blog. However, sometimes I don’t want to spend my freetime blogging ALL the time.

    Take time for you – whatever that looks like.

  11. Cate says:

    Everything you’ve said even down to the breakthrough whilst covering your denim jacket in pins (which I also did recently) I relate to so much as I’ve been going through the exact same thing of allowing a hobby I love to consume me and not allowing myself to just simply relax and enjoy free time or even just take care of myself. I feel like I somehow lost that healthy balance but slowly I’m dedicating time to me to do other things I enjoy like going to the movies and getting bubble tea. Anyway I wish you all the happiness & hope things work out for you xoxo
    Cate recently posted…BAMBAM First Fanmeet Tour ‘Black Feather’ in ThailandMy Profile

    • Kristin says:

      Woo! We covered our jackets before Taylor Swift lol. I’m so glad you’re getting to indulge in more movies and more bubble tea- those are two of my favorite things too!

  12. Jen says:

    I love all of this! Follow your passions, do what makes you happy and your creativity burst! I completely understand getting stuck in a routine and even a rut. This is very inspiring <3

  13. I’m excited to see all the fun things you do and share with us! My favorite part of this article was the zombie bit! That is so awesome and hilarious!

  14. Hayley says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve taken a super long break from YouTube because 1. I have terrible anxiety and 2. I can’t quite seem to figure out what to post. I love books, but talking JUST about books (especially when I’m a really slow reader) isn’t totally fulfilling. Your post has inspired me to just post whatever I feel like, even though that’s kinda scary…for whatever reason.

    Also, the videos you listed are some of my favorites of yours too. I love your personality and how genuinely excited you get about things. You’ve actually inspired me to pick up more manga, and we have so much in common otherwise that I like hearing about EVERYTHING you like, not just books. I’m excited to see what videos you’ll be coming out with next!

  15. Jaym says:

    Kristin, this is awesome and good for you for recognizing this need to do you for a bit. I can often do similar things of jam packing my schedule too much, especially with things that I feel “obligated” to do, and it really takes a toll on your mental health. I have been following your blog for years, and then your youtube channel, and you will still have so many of us followers that will like any content you provide at your own pace. So keep doing you and we will look forward to you sharing your adventures with us when you want to!

  16. Rachel says:

    I totally get this! Life ebbs and flows in weird ways. I also wonder how I used to maintain the crazy posting schedule, haha. I’ve been taking a step back from online life (it’s such a busy season anyway!) and trying to be more in the moment. 100% agree that you need to do you! Life is so short so it’s important to make the things that make you happy a priority in your life! You got this!
    Rachel recently posted…5 Tips for First-Time ManagersMy Profile

  17. Generally I don’t learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

  18. Val says:

    Kristin, I have been a lurker on your channel for a while and never commented, but I want to commend you for this post and for realizing that you need to live for YOU and not your subscribers. I LOVE your videos, no matter what they are about. I just love your bubbly personality and your passion for different fandoms and THAT’S what makes me want to watch your videos. And I would rather get less videos and still get your joyous personality because you are ENJOYING your life than more content.

  19. Alexa says:

    You already know how I feel about this renaissance we’re both experiencing this year – it’s a great and wonderful thing, and I think we’re both the better for it! I am excited to see you deep dive properly back into ALL the things you love, and am always here for more content (no matter what it is).
    Alexa recently posted…Friends with ARCs | Not the Girl You Marry + Meg and JoMy Profile

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